Vacation's Over and My Mind Is Overflowing!

Back to the insanity! You know you missed my useless ramblings and gratifying moments of "Ah ha!". Sure you did.

Have you ever seen a sunflower on a cloudy day? At sunrise, the faces of most sunflowers are turned towards the east. They "rise" with the sun. On a cloudy day, they face the ground. They look all sullen and depressed. It is a rather depressing feast on the eyes. They look confused. Don't believe me? Go to your local sunflower farm and watch the progression during a mostly cloudy day. It'll bring a tear to your eye. Okay, not really. Unless you are one of those tree-hugging hippie freaks. Woodstock was ages ago. Evolve and move on with the times you hemp wearing freaks.

Tootsie Roll Pops? Invented in 1931 by Tom Medric, and known the world over. (Kindest regards to Wikipedia, my internet fact slave.)
You've all seen the commercials. The dialog goes like this:

Boy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Mr. Owl: A good question. Let's find out. A One... A two-HOO...A three...

(crunch sound effect)

Mr. Owl: Three!

Boy: If there's anything I can't stand, it's a smart owl.

Narrator: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

(crunch sound effect)

Narrator: The world may never know.

Oh, I know! It's way the hell more than 3 if you are actually licking it. I wonder what the true count is for getting to the center? And do they mean when you first get a spot in the hard shell and you can just see a little of the center, or do they mean when all that is left is the center tootsie roll itself? Someone get to licking and let me know how that turns out. I don't have the patience and always just bite into it.

MTV's Video Music Awards are complete shit. I remember when people actually showcased talent on the show (although it has been sometime). It used to mean something to get a Moonman. What was that crap this year? And the host, Russell Brand? What a piece of useless shit he was. Not only was he not funny, but he was so annoying that I could not get to the mute button fast enough to stop his babble. Poor Kid Rock, he still sucks. How in God's name did Britney Spears get a Moonman, lest alone 3 of them? Her comeback has been less than impressive, bordering on super suckage. I think they gave it to her out of pity. Her acceptance speech was pretty pitiful too, saying the same thing verbatim each time. If you missed this waste of 2 hours of your life, you should get on youtube.com and look for the highlights. Even they suck. Suffer with me.


What is with the damn FOX NFL dancing robot? His moves suck and frankly he is a bit distracting. Players get fined a flag for "unsportsmanlike celebration" like that in the end zone and now we have to watch some computer robot do it? Can I yellow flag FOX for this? Let's put him on Dancing With the Stars or So You Think You Can Dance. That would be much more entertaining that him popping up on the left of my screen during a crucial play of the game doing his calisthenics. Then I can change the channel when his wanna-be Transformers ass pops up on the screen doing the worm.


Why is there braille at the drive up ATM? I think that people who suffer from the loss of, or never having, sight should be able to do the same things that everyone does...within reason. Driving? Really, I ask, is this safe? I could understand the use of braille on the regular walk up ATM but for the drive up? I'm sure there is some logical explanation that the ATM manufacturing company just makes one model and it is implemented either into a wall or into a free standing podium. It just freaks me out, thinking that "what if" it really is for it's intended purpose at the drive up? What if it really is made for blind drivers? Yes, it could be for the blind passenger but can't they just use the walk up model? Now I find myself looking to see if the guy behind me has a seeing eye dog sitting in the passenger seat.

Onto the News Of the Weird:

Tight Jeans & Murder?
Italian and U.K. legal authorities have recently discarded rule interpretations based on embarrassingly anachronistic stereotypes of women. In July, Italy's Court of Cassation reversed a 1999 ruling creating a legal presumption that a woman wearing tight jeans could not be the victim of rape because such jeans would be impossible to remove without her assistance. [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-23-08]

Coincidentally, at about the same time, the British government formally removed the special, ameliorating defense of "provocation" for husbands charged with murdering their wives, thus putting domestic homicide on the same footing as other homicides. (Some husbands had received lesser penalties by claiming that their wives' affairs had provoked them to murder.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-22-08]

My Writings Will One Day Be Famous

In July, Leroy Mcafee, 55, was charged in Austin, Texas, with molesting an 11-year-old girl but confessed to police that he had molested two others, as well. However, he refused to describe those incidents because he wanted to save that information for his autobiography. [American-Statesman, 7-8-08]

What Is Wrong With This Picture? He Was Only Charged With WHAT?

In July, Port St. Lucie, Fla., police stopped Timothy Placko in his car on a wooded road and discovered inside a blond wig, rope, binoculars, a small machete, knives, gloves, two bullet casings and a film canister that contained 18 human teeth. Also on the seat was a stack of women's sonograms that Placko said he had downloaded from the Internet. He originally told police that he had pulled off the road to call (improbably) a "girlfriend," but then admitted he was not calling anyone. He was charged with carrying a concealed weapon. [WPEC-TV (West Palm Beach), 7-7-08]

I Swear We Just Had This Talk...

In July, St. Mary's Airport on the Isles of Scilly (off the southwest coast of England) posted a vacancy announcement for air traffic controller that added, helpfully, that applications were available in alternative languages, "in larger text (or) Braille." [The Herald (Plymouth), 7-10-08]