Did you miss me? Oh yes you did...Ahhh… a long hiatus. It was fabulous but let’s get back to the funny farm, shall we?
What would people REALLY do for a Klondike bar?
Nothing. They don't taste THAT great. I'd pay $2.39 for a package of them, that's about it. But I bet some sick fuck would do LOTS for them, hence the need for mental institutions. Now an almond covered chocolate dipped Häagen-Dazs® bar...that's another story. I'd commit murder of small endangered tree frogs for one of those.
Going green...one small step for man.
Is there such thing as too much green? I think so. Just last week I was walking to my car after a short jaunt at the local grocery store. I was feeling all enviro-helpful and green-minded when an elderly man shot me down from my semi-euphoric state of self-righteousness. He glances my way and mumbles to his wife, "Fifty bucks says he gets in the gas guzzler." I was shocked, offended and generally pissed so I loaded my groceries into my oversized Ford Expedition and waited for him to leave to run over his crotchety old ass. Look asshole, I saved a plastic bag from a landfill today. No one said I give a damn about our smog quality. Jesus.
Foreplay anyone?
In the words of a wise man: “I’m pretty sure tater tots count as foreplay.” Let’s ponder this for a moment. No more overpriced bouquets of rotting vegetation for the lady of your night. No more candies that she never eats because it makes her “feel fat”. No more smelly candles. No more cheap champagne and pretending like you actually like the taste of it. Just a bag of Ore Ida spuds and some ketchup. Eureka! It’s golden!
More ramblings shortly. This indigestion is just getting started...
